“If I told you I had feelings for you, what would you do?”
I scratch the table nervously. Tell you I had feelings for you too?
“Id laugh in your face.”
Your face drops, you pull your sleeves over your hands.. you laugh nervously. You look at your hands. I look at the table.
Okay? Okay what? Do you have feelings or not?
I look at your face. You look at the fields. I take a big sigh. Your attention turns towards me.
“It’s clear you’re playing games. It’s obvious you don’t have feelings.”
Your eyebrows raise. You don’t say a word.
“You’re fake. Nothing but a liar. Looking for a way to make me attached to you.”
Your jaw tightens. Your body tenses.
“You’re not even gonna deny it? I knew it.”
“No im not going to deny it.”
“I guess that’s it then – let’s go home.”
Fight for me. Ask me to stay. Tell me I’m being stupid.
“I’m done here – let’s go.”
You walk away. You lean against your car and start playing with your phone. You don’t look up.
I walk towards mine. You don’t say a word.
“You’re an absolute asshole.”
You acknowledge my words. You unlock the door. And drive away.
I stand there speechless. It’s getting dark. The air is getting cold. I unlock my car and sit alone.
Five minutes pass – I call you.
“What do you want?”
Your voice is cold.
“Let’s not leave it like this.”
I speak softly. My words calm.
“I can’t stand your insults.”
“Come back – let’s talk.”
I wait for the murmur of your car and see the raindrops fall softly on my windows.
I shake nervously.
Could this be it.
Your car pulls up. You open the door. And you wait for me to come to you.
I take a deep breath.
“Tell me what you want from me?”
Your anger is burning. I see fury in your eyes. I see your body tense.
“How much do you think a man can take? I’ve had enough. Enough of the pain, enough of the hurt, enough of being told I’m fake. I don’t want this. I don’t want you. I’ve had enough of giving too much of a shit about you. I’m done. I hate you. I don’t give a shit about you. I never want to see you again.”
My knees go weak. My body starts to shake.
My voice breaks.
The words come out, but they’re lost in translation. The tears follow, my legs buckle. I lean against my car and put my head in my hands.
I feel your arms around me and you pull me close.
You bury your head in my shoulder.
You’re mumbling.. I let you speak.
“I don’t want to hurt you. I’m so hurt right now, I can’t even tell you. My heart physically aches when you do this to me. How pathetic is that? My heart is aching and all I wanna do is scream at you. I’m sorry for the things I said.. I’m angry. I still am. You just don’t get it.”
I hold you tight. Not wanting to let go. Wanting to stay safe here..
your body relaxes… I feel myself relax too. I start laughing.. you start laughing too.
“This is pathetic.” I whisper through tears.
“I know – we really are.”
I pull away. Aware of my make up running and your white t shirt.
You pull me towards you.
“I don’t want to get make up on your shirt.”
“I don’t care. Just as long as it’s not snot.”
I laugh and you laugh too.
We stay a little longer.
“You’re nothing but poison for me.”
My heart hurts by your words but you’re right.. you will do nothing but hurt me..
I hold your head in my hands and look direct in your face.
“I have feelings for you too.”
You close your eyes. Lean yourself into my hands.
“We can’t do this.”
You pull away from me and hold my hands while looking me direct in the eyes.
“I’m sorry too.”
With nothing more than a sigh and a squeeze of the hands, you walked to the car and sat there with your head in your hands.
I walked to mine and we sat in silence.
We knew we would never see each other again.