The words I cannot say.

I know You know what I’m thinking but I can not turn to You.

I can not face You and I can not beg for mercy for the mistakes I’ve made.

I am not worthy of the gift You gave me and I threw it back in Your face. I am not a worthy believer.

I did not deserve all that You gave me and I do not know how to face You again.

I’m scared of the tests You will bestow with me next. I don’t believe I’m capable of putting up with anymore.

I now know the answer to “why me?” I do not blame anybody but myself.

I want to face it before I’m too late but it’s never enough. My heart doesn’t want it, my heart doesn’t want this.

You may watch me break and fall but I will not come return to You.

This dunya was not designed for me. I was not made to cope with this.

Give me the strength to leave this mentality and bring me back to You. Give me hope in my life.

Ya Allah. Save me from leaving You. 

Lost in translation..

We came close.. yet our distances never reduced. Our story remained incomplete…

It’s not necessary for the earth to always meet the sky.. True love does not always reach its destination.

There was light and colours – when you were close to me.

This world was my heaven.

And you wrote something like my name in the sand of time.

If there are only heavens here – why can’t I see you? 

The moon, the sun.. I see everything here. I have been waiting here for you to appear.. why is our story still so incomplete?

He worshipped the ground I walked on.

Every penny he had was to feed me. Every moment he had spare, he protected me.

He prayed for me. He loved me.

He was insanely jealous, he respected me.

It hurt him to leave me. He could never go a day without telling me he loved me.

He left his family for me. He asked about my family eternally although having never met them.

He made me laugh. He never made me feel beneath him.

He made me feel special. He liked holding me.

He dreamed of having a family with me.. he dreamed of running away with me.

His friends treated me like a sister. They cared for me.

He hated arguing with me, he just wanted to be happy.

He loved me.. he really loved me. And I would die for a love like that again.

7 years is too late to apologise… I regret taking it for granted knowing that no person could love anyone like that. I don’t believe I could love anyone the way he loved me.

Love the one who loves you. They would do ANYTHING for you.