Baby steps.. 

There’s something brilliant about this.

Something fabulous about finding happiness in someone you never quite expected to.

There’s something heart warming about someone wanting to turn to you in times of their sadness and their joys.

There’s something heart warming in someone begging you to see them because they know you can make them smile.

There’s something so content in me that feels happy that I’ve found a friend in you.

There’s something so peaceful in knowing that we’ve both been through the exact same thing and want nothing more then just a shoulder to cry on for now.

There’s nothing more amazing then finding a friend in a stranger. There’s nothing more exhilarating than watching your loneliness disappear slowly to dust ❤️

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Pain..

I just wish there was a way that I could write everything down and with each word the pain would slowly leave me too..

But it doesn’t… every word digs deeper.

I’ve got so much in me right now, I don’t think no amount of talking, writing, screaming or crying is going to help.

I just want to be done for a while. I want a break from this feeling just for a little while. 

For months I’ve been waiting for closure.. just something, anything to make it easier to move on.

And all this time I realised it’s not you I need closure from. It’s myself.

My heart hurts because I feel like I’m not good enough. I’m a bad person. I’m panicking because I don’t think anyone will ever love me. I feel nervous around people because I know they will leave me one day.

I’m scared to fall again, because I don’t think il be able to pull myself back up.

I don’t know how to love myself. I don’t know how to love myself when it just hurts. I don’t know how to keep anyone in my life anymore.

Home..

A house has four walls.

A home has connected hearts.

Home is where the heart is, and here I found my home with you.

I found my home in your warmth and in your care. Your love, your hopes and your dreams.

I found my home in your sympathy, your humility, your selflessness.

I found my home in your frustration, your pain, your anger.

I found my home in your smile, your frown, your tears,

I’ve lived a lonely life, with a hole in my heart until I met you. 

I found my home in you. 

I feel no pain, it disguises itself well.

My demons await me, their weapons are poised.

Ready to draw blood, with no limits to the damage they want to cause.

The fear of others abuse, is nothing compared to how I abuse myself.

The games I play, telling myself I’m good enough. Mocking myself to the fullest.

I am nothing but a pawn in this game of evil. Nothing but a pawn that deserves the damage coming it’s way.