What brings you back here?

We’ve both moved on yet something still brings you back here.

What is it you’re looking for? Strength from my sadness, or pain through my happiness?

Do you miss me? Think of me, talk of me?

Or am I just another memory in your life?

What is it you’re after? 

What do you want from me..

Even writing these posts have become a chore for me.. knowing my audience.. 



Degraded to a level that I don’t love myself. I don’t love anything about myself..

Pathetic. Loser. Weak. Weirdo. Psycho. Disgrace. Joke. Failure. Selfish. Shallow. Stupid. Irresponsible. Immature. Boring.

My nights have become complete terrors now. I can’t hold back the tears.

This is no longer a question of my divorce, and how my husband didn’t want me.

I have a battle with myself everyday. I don’t even know where to start. 

I can’t talk to people, I can’t look them in the face. I want to smile at people, make someone’s day, meet new people – but all I can do is look away and keep to myself.

I wanna see the world and become something – but all I can do is cry myself to sleep.

I’m losing my will here.. I don’t know how to be a good person, a successful person, a happy person.

I don’t know how not to feel so alone. I don’t know how to make people like me. I don’t know how to like myself.

This is getting hard. Life is getting way too hard.

People joke and question – why don’t you just kill yourself?

Because I wouldn’t even be able to do that.. I’m a failure in life, failure in love, failure as a person..

I don’t know how to fix myself.. 


I feel no pain, it disguises itself well.

My demons await me, their weapons are poised.

Ready to draw blood, with no limits to the damage they want to cause.

The fear of others abuse, is nothing compared to how I abuse myself.

The games I play, telling myself I’m good enough. Mocking myself to the fullest.

I am nothing but a pawn in this game of evil. Nothing but a pawn that deserves the damage coming it’s way. 

Before anyone else..

I’m still living in this dream world where one day il live in hope that this has all just been a nightmare and I don’t have to deal with losing you.

I know you’re not mine anymore and you don’t read these anymore. Most days I forget you, most days I’m so happy but it’s tonight. Tonight I’m crashing and I miss you.

I want to tell myself I loved you just cos I was attached but I wasn’t. How can I be so happy in life and yet feel so incomplete?

It doesn’t bother me that you’re moving on or you don’t have feelings.. at the end of the day this is how it was supposed to end. It’s so easy to have feelings for someone else.. I know because it’s happened to me. But I can’t force myself to forget you. I just can’t stop missing you.

Just lying with you for a night is perfect for me. Have stupid jokes, being tangled in your arms and hearing you giggle seeing you smile has become such a fond memory of mine.

I’m glad you’re happy.. I want nothing but good for you. I’m glad things are going well for your family too..

I hope everyone makes this day great for you. I hope you’re treated like a king and you get all the love that I wish I could give you.

Be happy my lovely.. happy birthday ❤️

White flag..



You’ve won. You are the better person. I don’t want to fight this war. I was always wrong, you are always right.

I just want you to stop making me question myself. Stop coming back giving me hope.. stop turning away acting like I’m doing something wrong.

I just want to live my life. I just want to move past this stage of my life.

Be it with you or be it without you. It’s becoming mental torture and making me question everything.

For once I felt like my life was coming back together.. please stop tearing it apart.

I beg for your mercy, Haris. I beg for warmth in your heart, and I beg you to let go of my past.

I am sorry. Please let me live.. please stop lighting my life with hope if you have no intention of loving me.

I beg for your mercy. Please.

December 2016 Buys!

Yes I hit the sales but like a true beauty addict, I just ended up buying all full price items. This post is dedicated to purely beauty items with honest reviews!

Mac Velvet Teddy Matte Lipstick – £15.50

I’ve wanted this for a while but I always get really cautious with lipstick colours.. nothing seems to suit me! But as my first Mac lipstick purchase, it has to be my favourite in terms of texture and quality. The colour isn’t very wintery and seems to make my face look grey, but will save it for the Summer!

Mac Paint Pot Soft Ochre – £16

I heard about this a while ago as being a good primer/concealer for people with dark eyes. I tried it initially but it really greyed out my eyes as my eyes are super pigmented. So will try colour correcting before I put this on, but still it did the job of leaving an even coat of colour on my eyes so I’m super excited about this one.

Bare Minerals Setting Powder – £21

I had my obsession with super glowy and dewey foundation but I thought now is the time to come back to earth and go back to matte again. It just seems to be less hassle. So instead of forking out another £30 quid or so on another high end foundation, I thought I’d fork out money for a product to make my foundation go matte and I found this product. Now I did ask the lady in Boots for advice and her suggestion was to go for a light colour as it didn’t leave an ashy look when you applied it.. I beg to differ. Ive got olive skin and I don’t think the light to medium shade did me any favours at all. However the powder itself is great and has a really lovely finish. 

The Body Shop – Bouncy Sleeping Mask (£12?)

My. Favourite. Purchase. Ever.

The Body Shop staff have to be the most helpful people I’ve ever come across in a beauty store. I walked in and said I have really dull and boring skin and she immediately recommended this to me. I thought oh god.. she’s just trying to sell the new range. But she gave me a good healthy sample and told me to try it for a few days and I’d see the difference myself. And sure enough I did.

My skin definitely feels amazing since trying this. I have really itchy and dry skin but after sleeping in this – my skin feels like a baby bottom – definitely recommend this!

YSL Black Opium – £30

My first sale purchase woo! I’m a big fan of Jimmy Choo perfumes but really wanted to try something new this time around – this one definitely matches the quality of Jimmy Choo! It smells AMAZING! 😍

I also had a few other purchases but I’d rather swatch those rather than just review them.. hope you enjoyed the read 🙂



Eyeliner? So many choices!

Eyeliners can come in practically any form from pencils to crayons felt tips to paint – possibilities are endless!

I’ve picked out my three go tos that I use for different purposes. I really feel like I’ve adapted it so it’s easy for myself but I really do get the look I want out of it.

Not yet confident enough with my face to post a final look but one day 🙈

Bourjois Kohl & Contour Pencil Eyeliner (pencil eyeliner)

I’ve gone through a lot of pencil eyeliners and they always used to end up halfway down my face, smudging everywhere and just looking very amateurish, giving an overall panda look. This pencil eyeliner I think is perfect especially for those who are new to doing eyeliners. It comes with a nifty pencil sharpener so you don’t have to run around looking for one when you go blunt 😅 it really doesn’t smudge either.. the colour is so dark that back in the days when I used to use it for upper liner people used to confuse it for liquid. Super easy to use!

I personally use it at the moment just to line my lower lash line and sometimes if I’m in the mood the inner upper lash line – just to get a more defined look.

L’Oréal Super Liner (liquid liner)

I used to use the gold version of this liquid liner but I just prefer the Super Black because of the colour. The great thing about this eyeliner is it is SO easy to create a wing and good to practise with as well. Once you apply it, it dries pretty quick. So if you make a mistake you don’t need to worry about smudging it when wiping it, it will literally just peel off. It doesn’t peel off too easily so it will last the whole day too.

I only ever use this on special occasions for meet ups, gatherings etc when I’m in the mood for a bit of a flick. (Exciting life!)

Maybelline Lasting Drama Gel Eyeliner (gel eyeliner)

I can’t get my head around these gel eyeliners. I’ve seen some people make a really nice flick free hand and I’ve just sat there and watched them in awe. But out of all of them this has to be the best high street brand I’ve come across personally.

I use this to go over what I’ve already done with a liquid eyeliner just to get a stronger colour. Don’t personally use this a lot as I’m not quite the eyeliner pro yet!

Comment your favourites below 🙂 id love to try some suggestions!



Dry/itchy/spotty skin?

I’m not going to claim to be an expert cos I am FAR from it.. there’s such a variety of products and techniques for different types of skin, it’s incredibly hard to find something to suit everyone.

Im going to give a few pointers on what helped me relieve that horrible itchy feeling!

Drink lots of water!

I used to be allergic to water (psychologically) but it honestly makes all the difference. It’s known to clear out the toxins and bacteria, and also providing a natural moisturising agent.

Avoid using fragranced make up wipes

..or if you can avoid using any type of wipes.. I personally feel like wipes just move the dirt around on your face. I used make up wipes for eye make up just because I hate using any type of liquidy make up due to having extremely sensitive eyes

Natural Products

This ones by far my favourite to do! Not only are you not using toxicated products with the fear of breaking out in spots, the feeling afterwards is incredible. The particular routine I used was as follows.

  1. Make sure you have a clean dry face to start with.
  2. Mixing sugar with a little water, exfoliate all over your face and rinse clean.
  3. Dipping a face cloth into steaming water (don’t burn yourselves) place the cloth over your face for a few minutes or so.
  4. Rinse your face
  5. Prepare a mask – (hot chocolate, coffee granules, honey – don’t know exact quantities) – leave on for 15 minutes
  6. As sticky and messy as it sounds – the results are impeccable!

Baby Products

This ones a bit of a weird one and I’m surprised no ones ever recommend it to me before. I tried Clinique, Clarin, L’Oréal moisturisers and then accidentally came across some baby rash cream in an emergency. It wasn’t fragranced, it didn’t irritate my skin and managed to do the job pretty well.

The one I used was Sudocream but E45 and Aveeno are great too.

Not an expert again.. but tips that have worked for me! 🙈




A bit about me..

20 something.. or maybe a bit older.. or younger.. let’s just keep this one a secret.

As a massive make up fan and always intrigued in trying new products, I thought why not use the time to blog about a few of my favourites and give other people a chance a to try them to?

Not just limited to make up products/skincare but if there are any products out there that anyone has wanted to try but doesn’t quite have the willpower to go out and buy it, leave it in the comments below 🙂

Coming soon,