I forgive you…

My closure? Forgiving you for the things you aren’t sorry about.

I forgive you – for making me feel like our relationship failed just because we didn’t have a sexual relationship.

I forgive you – for going back to the girl who instilled the jealousy I had in our relationship, the one you said was interfering right from the beginning.

I forgive you – for laughing at me for being weak and having my own beliefs.

I forgive you – for cutting me out and telling me you didn’t care that I wasn’t a part of your life anymore.

I forgive you – for running to other girls, sleeping with someone else within days of this ended.

I forgive you – for making me believe there was a future when there wasn’t.

I forgive you – for telling me a certain action wasn’t a big deal and I needed to get over it… despite the fact you were my first and it WAS a big a deal for me.

I forgive you – for making me believe in love again.. and breaking me back into a black hole again.

I forgive you for forgetting me and brushing me aside.

Because you’ve shown me how much I really do love myself – and I don’t deserve even an ounce of the hurt you’ve given me.

But most of all – I forgive myself for being naive and falling for the lies…

It can only be up from here ❤️

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Phase out

When the hurt gets too much, and you have to scream for the pain to stop…

That’s when He tells you to hold on a little longer. You have no idea how strong you are ❤️

Trust is when you hand someone a gun, naivety is loading it first.

Plea

Degraded to a level that I don’t love myself. I don’t love anything about myself..

Pathetic. Loser. Weak. Weirdo. Psycho. Disgrace. Joke. Failure. Selfish. Shallow. Stupid. Irresponsible. Immature. Boring.

My nights have become complete terrors now. I can’t hold back the tears.

This is no longer a question of my divorce, and how my husband didn’t want me.

I have a battle with myself everyday. I don’t even know where to start. 

I can’t talk to people, I can’t look them in the face. I want to smile at people, make someone’s day, meet new people – but all I can do is look away and keep to myself.

I wanna see the world and become something – but all I can do is cry myself to sleep.

I’m losing my will here.. I don’t know how to be a good person, a successful person, a happy person.

I don’t know how not to feel so alone. I don’t know how to make people like me. I don’t know how to like myself.

This is getting hard. Life is getting way too hard.

People joke and question – why don’t you just kill yourself?

Because I wouldn’t even be able to do that.. I’m a failure in life, failure in love, failure as a person..

I don’t know how to fix myself.. 

help..

I feel no pain, it disguises itself well.

My demons await me, their weapons are poised.

Ready to draw blood, with no limits to the damage they want to cause.

The fear of others abuse, is nothing compared to how I abuse myself.

The games I play, telling myself I’m good enough. Mocking myself to the fullest.

I am nothing but a pawn in this game of evil. Nothing but a pawn that deserves the damage coming it’s way.