I know You know what I’m thinking but I can not turn to You.
I can not face You and I can not beg for mercy for the mistakes I’ve made.
I am not worthy of the gift You gave me and I threw it back in Your face. I am not a worthy believer.
I did not deserve all that You gave me and I do not know how to face You again.
I’m scared of the tests You will bestow with me next. I don’t believe I’m capable of putting up with anymore.
I now know the answer to “why me?” I do not blame anybody but myself.
I want to face it before I’m too late but it’s never enough. My heart doesn’t want it, my heart doesn’t want this.
You may watch me break and fall but I will not come return to You.
This dunya was not designed for me. I was not made to cope with this.
Give me the strength to leave this mentality and bring me back to You. Give me hope in my life.
Ya Allah. Save me from leaving You.
We came close.. yet our distances never reduced. Our story remained incomplete…
It’s not necessary for the earth to always meet the sky.. True love does not always reach its destination.
There was light and colours – when you were close to me.
This world was my heaven.
And you wrote something like my name in the sand of time.
If there are only heavens here – why can’t I see you?
The moon, the sun.. I see everything here. I have been waiting here for you to appear.. why is our story still so incomplete?
Imagine a banana at the bottom of the fruit bowl that’s started to rot and yet you choose not to throw it away. You carry on buying more fruit, you cover the banana and the fruit bowl looks fresh and colourful.
But you know the banana is still rotting below. And everytime you fear that the rotten banana is going to show, you buy more fresh fruit to cover up the horrid sight.
The longer you leave it, the worse it becomes. It starts to blacken, leaves a horrible smell and maybe even ruin the bowl.
What’s a banana got to do with mentality? It’s exactly the same..
You have an experience you can’t cope with.. what’s the easiest thing to do? Block it out. Do something else. Buy a new car, fancy clothes, flash jewellery.. but that doesn’t help resolve your situation.. it just blocks it out.
And one day when you have to go back to that same situation.. when you have to face everything that you’ve been putting off.. it will hurt so much more. You let it rot in your mind for so long, you’ve exhausted yourself mentally, exhausted yourself by putting so much effort into blocking it out and now it’s even worse than before.
And it hurts like hell.
Your mind is begging for refuge.
Your mind is begging to break free from the trap you’ve locked yourself in.
There’s no shame in feeling beautiful in yourself without being vain.
There’s no shame in leaving the house with a naked face and feeling happy.
Theres no shame in holding the one you love a little bit too long.
There’s no shame in begging for forgiveness to the people you have wronged.
There’s no shame in lying alone in your room with mascara running down your face when things get too much.
There’s no shame in screaming at the top of your lungs when the pain inside you is physically too much.
There’s no shame in admitting that you can’t cope alone, that you can’t physically bear the pain. There’s no shame in asking for help.
There’s no shame in being weak. There’s no shame in being broken.
Imagine standing on a glass floor.
Underneath the glass floor is a drop of a thousand miles.. And you can’t see where it ends.
You avoid the floor. You’re always cautious when you walk over it and you live in constant fear that one day it’s going to break and you will fall.. You will fall and you don’t know how the fall will end.
One day the glass starts to crack and you realise the end is near. The glass floor won’t last.. Your fall is inevitable. You have to let go.
But you refuse. You grab hold of the walls, hurting yourself in the process. You’re screaming, you become weak. But you don’t won’t to let go.
The walls begin to crumble and your fingers can’t hold on any longer. You realise, the inevitable is here.
You let go.
You let yourself.
This thousand mile drop.
Hurting yourself along the way. It’s painful, it’s killing you.
But you’re facing it. You’re not living in fear anymore. You’re taking the pain as it comes. You know eventually the pain will finish.
And then the drop ends.. And you realise.. It’s not a painful end. It doesn’t end in death.. You’re in a room.. The floor is made out of cushions. You’ve landed softly.
The pain is still in you. You are still hurting from the fall.
But you no longer live in fear that the glass will break.
Face life’s difficulties.
With every difficulty comes ease inshAllah!
Put a frog into a pan and start boiling the water.
As the temperature of the water begins to rise, the frog adjusts it’s body temperature accordingly.
The frog keeps adjusting its body temperature with the increasing temperature of the water. Just when the water has reached boiling point, the frog cannot take anymore and decides to jump out.
The frog tries to jump out but is unable to do so because it has lost all its strength in adjusting with the rising water temperature.
Very soon the frog dies.
What killed the frog?
Think about it.. I know many of us will say the boiling water. But the truth about what killed the frog was its own inability to decide when to jump.
We all need to adjust with people and situations. But we need to be sure when it’s necessary to adjust or whether it’s necessary to move on. There are times when we need to face the situation and take appropriate actions.
If we allow people to exploit us physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually or mentally they will continue to do so.
Let us decide when to jump. Let’s jump while we still have the strength!