Why did I start writing again?

I dreamt of you last night.

Actually…

I dreamt of both of you.

I don’t  want you to think I’m playing games – it’s the last thing I want to do. I just feel really confused right now.

The whole time I was with you and getting over, I was living in this bubble where I believed I was never gonna get over you, never find someone like you, never stop feeling for you.

Until I met him. And now I do feel like I’ve found someone great.. you don’t compare to each.. you’re both so different – both so great in your own ways.

And I do feel something. But I can’t say what it is.. I can’t say whether he makes me happy in the moment as my best friend, or whether I really see something in the future with him.

And I need help.. I don’t know how to cope with the situation.

He’s been through the same thing.. he’s hurting too, He doesn’t trust easy, the same old crap..

But that’s not the hardest part…

We both have our reasons for pushing each other away – both different and valid to their own.

And this is why I’m confused..

Is it okay that I miss you but miss him too? Is it okay that I’m not over you but I’m falling for someone new?

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The end is near..

Imagine standing on a glass floor.

Underneath the glass floor is a drop of a thousand miles.. And you can’t see where it ends.

You avoid the floor. You’re always cautious when you walk over it and you live in constant fear that one day it’s going to break and you will fall.. You will fall and you don’t know how the fall will end.

One day the glass starts to crack and you realise the end is near. The glass floor won’t last.. Your fall is inevitable. You have to let go.

But you refuse. You grab hold of the walls, hurting yourself in the process. You’re screaming, you become weak. But you don’t won’t to let go.

The walls begin to crumble and your fingers can’t hold on any longer. You realise, the inevitable is here.

It’s over.. 

You let go.

You let yourself.

This thousand mile drop.

Hurting yourself along the way. It’s painful, it’s killing you.

But you’re facing it. You’re not living in fear anymore. You’re taking the pain as it comes. You know eventually the pain will finish.

And then the drop ends.. And you realise.. It’s not a painful end. It doesn’t end in death.. You’re in a room.. The floor is made out of cushions. You’ve landed softly.

The pain is still in you. You are still hurting from the fall.

But you no longer live in fear that the glass will break.

Face life’s difficulties.

With every difficulty comes ease inshAllah!

❤️