Let’s play a game, he says.
You have to hit the football on the wall to win.
The catch is, il be in the middle.
If you miss, you’ll be punished.
Penalties, he says. He winks. He laughs.
I kick the ball lightly. Confused at the rules.
He stops it. He winks.
You’ll be punished, he says. Laughing louder.
This isn’t right, I shout.
It’s not wrong, he whispers.
I close my eyes. I cry, I sob.
My wrists are grasped. My mouth is covered.
I was 12 when I broke, when it all began. I was 12 when I was punished.
Imagine a banana at the bottom of the fruit bowl that’s started to rot and yet you choose not to throw it away. You carry on buying more fruit, you cover the banana and the fruit bowl looks fresh and colourful.
But you know the banana is still rotting below. And everytime you fear that the rotten banana is going to show, you buy more fresh fruit to cover up the horrid sight.
The longer you leave it, the worse it becomes. It starts to blacken, leaves a horrible smell and maybe even ruin the bowl.
What’s a banana got to do with mentality? It’s exactly the same..
You have an experience you can’t cope with.. what’s the easiest thing to do? Block it out. Do something else. Buy a new car, fancy clothes, flash jewellery.. but that doesn’t help resolve your situation.. it just blocks it out.
And one day when you have to go back to that same situation.. when you have to face everything that you’ve been putting off.. it will hurt so much more. You let it rot in your mind for so long, you’ve exhausted yourself mentally, exhausted yourself by putting so much effort into blocking it out and now it’s even worse than before.
And it hurts like hell.
Your mind is begging for refuge.
Your mind is begging to break free from the trap you’ve locked yourself in.
Imagine standing on a glass floor.
Underneath the glass floor is a drop of a thousand miles.. And you can’t see where it ends.
You avoid the floor. You’re always cautious when you walk over it and you live in constant fear that one day it’s going to break and you will fall.. You will fall and you don’t know how the fall will end.
One day the glass starts to crack and you realise the end is near. The glass floor won’t last.. Your fall is inevitable. You have to let go.
But you refuse. You grab hold of the walls, hurting yourself in the process. You’re screaming, you become weak. But you don’t won’t to let go.
The walls begin to crumble and your fingers can’t hold on any longer. You realise, the inevitable is here.
You let go.
You let yourself.
This thousand mile drop.
Hurting yourself along the way. It’s painful, it’s killing you.
But you’re facing it. You’re not living in fear anymore. You’re taking the pain as it comes. You know eventually the pain will finish.
And then the drop ends.. And you realise.. It’s not a painful end. It doesn’t end in death.. You’re in a room.. The floor is made out of cushions. You’ve landed softly.
The pain is still in you. You are still hurting from the fall.
But you no longer live in fear that the glass will break.
Face life’s difficulties.
With every difficulty comes ease inshAllah!
“Today is the day that I live in hope to meet you again. So I celebrate in happiness. But I also wish to apologise.
I wish to apologise for putting my dreams before your happiness. Sorry for every time I have ever broken your heart and never tried to make it up to you.
But most of all I’m sorry for those moments that I forgot to tell you how much I love you and how amazing I think you are.
The honest reason why I never said this to you? Because I thought I always had tomorrow to show you I appreciate you.. But I was wrong. After you went, the time I took for granted went as well.
That’s why I always say. Time means now. If you want to love, love now. If you want to hold her hand, do it now. If you want to apologise, then ask for forgiveness now. If you want to forgive, forgive now.
Or like me youl be sitting there, writing on your blog, asking for forgiveness from someone who’s already gone. And they’ll never have a chance to know the things that you never said.”
– quoted by Unknown. ❤️