Creating this blog was a way of running away from what’s really going. I believe that if I tell myself I’m happy and I’m moving on.. maybe eventually I will..
I feel like I’m lying to myself and not allowing myself to fully come to terms with my situation. To accept what’s going on.. accept that it’s fine not to be happy. It’s perfectly normal.
But I do understand the situation. I understand that it’s not about a man not loving his wife.. or a woman disrespecting her husband. It’s about two people who just couldn’t make it work.
I really do believe that I placed way too much importance on my marriage. So much importance that I may have forgotten the real reason I wanted to get married.. to further my faith.
But I’ve learnt a lot.. I’ve learnt that I really do need to love myself. Be independent and be happy in myself and not place it in anyone else. Suffering from anxiety whilst being married, I now no longer worry. I don’t worry.. because I don’t care..
What is meant for me, will not miss me. And I know my Lord has something planned that I cannot even begin to imagine inshAllah!
My baby was a phase of my life that I really miss but I’m glad it’s over.. I hope he is as content with his decision as I am with mine.
May Allah make it easy for the both of us.